with your own penis?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just want to make out with him forever
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
