i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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