Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
