if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
