3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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