so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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