Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
