Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
