I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
