Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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