I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
