just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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