I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My breasts were aching with rage.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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