you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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