I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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