I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
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