Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
