my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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