Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
