seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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