The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
