please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
