Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
