If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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