I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
