The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
