i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
