I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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