hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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