watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
