She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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