if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
