two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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