my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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