FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
