So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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