I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
