I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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