I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
