Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
