Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
