just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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