I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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