so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
babies were throwing up all over the place
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
