She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
