Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
