i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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