the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
