I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
