Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
