you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
