I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
