In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
