wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
