A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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