all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
