Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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