I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
