Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
where are my eyebrows?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
