what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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