Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
