There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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