He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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