Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
