His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
