there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh god it's open bar.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
