Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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