I think my fart just growled at me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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