watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
