I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
