somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
