i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
