every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
