Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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