I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
