a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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