i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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