i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
