Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
